Funny Cleese interview on Olbermann’s show tonight:

I am generally not one to delight in the misfortunes of others.  But schadenfreude has never been more at home in my heart than in the story of Denver’s own Gabriel Schwartz.  The obnoxious, self-impressed, clueless lawyer did an interview on the floor of the Republican National Convention… I don’t want to just  dislike him for his worldview (although I do) – which mostly revolves around bombing and plundering Iran.  I also dislike him because he’s such an assface.  Think I’m being harsh?  Watch the interview and tell me you don’t want to beat him with a stick:

I’m not the only one who has issues with this guy.  The day after he gave that interview, he met a woman in the bar of his Minneapolis hotel and invited her to his room.  Once they got upstairs, the woman asked him to get undressed while she prepared him a drink.  That drink made Gabriel a very sleepy boy.  (Is there a bomb joke here?)

When Gabriel “Iran, baby” Schwartz woke up, the woman was gone, as was more than $120,000 in money, jewelry and other Schwartzy bling.  After that righteous plundering, Gabriel said;

“as a single man, I was flattered by the attention of a beautiful woman who introduced herself to me. I used poor judgment.”

Poor judgment?  By the same Gabriel Schwartz I see in that interview?  No!

I can only assume she saw the interview, or had an equally maddening conversation with him in the bar that night.  Here’s what I wanna know: did she “plant a flag”?

Chief Bratton, who feels the Paparazzi Task Force is a waste of time (I agree with him), just said on MSNBC:

“Since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving, Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore – thank God – and evidently Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.”

Hey, man, don’t blame me for Linsday – I tried.

To the drunk hottie who fell off my motorcycle…

Carlin was inspirational to me, in some ways, as a teen.  He had a biting wit and was more a social commentator than comedian.  I saw him live a couple of times – once at the University of Maine where he autographed a dollar bill for me.  The fact that it took me several months to spend that money was as much about my respect for him as my flat-broke-ness.

One of my favorite Carlin rants is here – Carlin on Politicians – and I’ll miss that penetrating side of him.  He could make us laugh so hard that our guts hurt, and not always because what he said was funny, exactly – but because it was so sadly true.  In his later years, I was sad to see him move more toward aimless anger and jokes about death and poop, but I suppose that’s how things go.

He died at Saint John’s in Santa Monica – just a mile or two from my place -  at the age of 71.

Flickr founder says good-bye to the higher-ups at Yahoo!, while channeling Herman Zweibel.

Alright dude, if you want me to buy your book “How To Cheat At Photoshop”, you’re going to need to do a little better than this.

Stay off my plant!  Do not lean on my pod! We’ve all shared an office with people like this.. but wow.. and: potlucks and genius…

[After being ejected from the DNC Rules Committee Meeting today]

Or at least you’re going to think you have them now.

You’d think by now the internet had everything.  You’d, of course, be wrong.  Tonight, I saw a teaser for SNL with Christopher Walken and (why is she sexy?) Kristen Wiig.

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Today they announced two things I really need: the Google Wake-Up Kit and Google Custom Time.

“Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality (see Grandfather Paradox).”

Seth Godin asks, how many record label executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Some great emergency tips, with visuals.

The guys behind Spamalot just changed a show song reference from Britney Spears to Posh Spice.  On why, Eric Idle said:

“We don’t laugh at sad people.  Britney Spears is being tortured to death and we don’t want to be on that side.”

[Source: Olbermann]

Good stuff.

Hope all my Maine Democrat friends are caucusing today (as painful as it is, please do.  It’s really important.)

Shop pulls “Lolita” bed for young girls; the morons had never heard of Lolita.  Reminds me a little of that “My First Stripper Pole” Tesco was hawking a while back, encouraging pre-teens to “unleash the sex kitten inside.”

There’s probably an update to this story by now, but I’ve been meaning to mention it.   Interesting state/federal issues therein, even setting aside the sensationalism of a city formally declaring Bush and Cheney wanted criminals.  This’ll get more interesting, especially after election day… I’m intending on writing more about that soon.

Great commercial from Sweden…

[h/t David]

I never liked Lewiston very much, and now I know why.  Wonder if Steven King knows about this?

Japanese researchers say they’ve engineered “fearless mice.”  I’d like to see this technique applied to the Democrats ASAP.

Ends up in trouble, and no chat.

Yes, we know another tech bubble is inflating. But some folks have a sense of humor about it. I sorta liked this video:

Thanks, Kyla.

Reader Rick sent me this thread from NYC Craigslist, and I had to share.

new york craigslist > manhattan > rants & raves
woman seeking $500k+ earning man
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Apple’s compensation committee really upped the ante this year.  By some 7300%, in fact.  Not only did CEO Steve Jobs gets his customary $1 salary, but this year he took home a free iPod!  Day-um, Mr. Fancy Pants!!

Despite all this, he has sold none of his Apple stock.  The committee is finally considering “additional compensation arrangements,” presumably because he told them he’s sick of busting his balls for less than minimum wage.