Cigarette Butts and Other Mental Litter

I’ve had some petty rants and painful quotes bouncing around my head lately – so, in order to dispose of that mental clutter with all speed, I’ve clumped them into one piece.

First and foremost: who are you mental defectives who throw burning cigarette butts onto the ground and/or out your car window? Please stand up and explain yourselves. What kind of childish gesture is this? This has irritated me since I was a kid. I mean, I will absolutely defend your right to smoke. Tobacco ain’t my thing – but if it’s yours, fine. But do not ask me and my fellow taxpayers to clean up after your habit – that is your responsibility. If heroin shooters were discarding their used syringes on the street, there’d be little difference. These things start fires, look disgusting, cost public and private dollars to clean up, and you look like an ignorant ass when you toss one. Is there no ashtray in your car? Can you not walk the extra four feet to a waste receptacle? I cannot think of a legitimate defense for this behavior. Anyone?
Second: unless it came out of a soft-serve machine at 7-11, it is not an “expresso.”

Third: unless it makes ATMs, it is not an “ATM machine.” Please stop saying this, and for the love of GOD, stop making SIGNS that say this. The same rule applies to cashiers who ask me to enter my “PIN number.”

Fourth: stop talking about people who “die instantly.” I am sorry, but in the matter of biological death, everyone dies instantly. You’re alive until you die. Doesn’t Carlin have a riff on this? I couldn’t dig it up. But in the meantime, I command you to stop.

Fifth: stop saying “alcohol and drugs” or “alcohol or drugs.” Alcohol is a drug, and a very dangerous one. I am not making any kind of moral judgment here on the use thereof – I am simply saying that it is an inaccurate term. One is a subset of the other, so it’s like saying “candy or sweets.”

And in closing, here are a couple quotes to help you through the day:

“Honestly, I actually did not know what was going to happen with the plane – y’know – so, I didn’t know it was gonna crash; I thought maybe they were gonna save themselves…”
– A young man interviewed by WHDH-TV outside Loews’ Theater at Boston Common, after seeing the movie United 93.

“I’m kindof upset with the fact that they didn’t tell us earlier about it… some people weren’t watching the news .. so they didn’t know they needed to lock their doors… even though you should lock your doors… and be aware of [your] surroundings… but they didn’t know they needed to do that because they weren’t told until Tuesday or Wednesday.”
– Clemson student Rachel Sullivan, reacting to the “bikini top” murder of a fellow student, abdicating any and all responsibility for her own safety and well-being to a mysterious entity called “they”.

14 thoughts on “Cigarette Butts and Other Mental Litter”

  1. Muy bien, Anthony! I couldn’t agree more. The only time I feel it’s okay to throw out a lit cigarette out while you’re driving is when you’re too drunk to remember to put it out. Or that you have an ashtray in your coche. But your rant is right on. Vaya con dios.

    -Tito

  2. Muy bien, Anthony! I couldn’t agree more. The only time I feel it’s okay to throw out a lit cigarette out while you’re driving is when you’re too drunk to remember to put it out. Or that you have an ashtray in your coche. But your rant is right on. Vaya con dios.

    -Tito

  3. ANTHONY (while leaning out the window of a fast moving car after the car in front of us tossed out a butt): “HEY, You dropped your cigarette…”

    Me (after Anthony’s hat blew off his head while he was leaning out of the car yelling at the car in front of us): “HEY, You dropped your hat!”

    Mwahahahahaha…(you had to be there, it was Classic!)

  4. ANTHONY (while leaning out the window of a fast moving car after the car in front of us tossed out a butt): “HEY, You dropped your cigarette…”

    Me (after Anthony’s hat blew off his head while he was leaning out of the car yelling at the car in front of us): “HEY, You dropped your hat!”

    Mwahahahahaha…(you had to be there, it was Classic!)

  5. amen brother, such an obnoxious arrogant act.

    RIP Lettermna hat. Um, that was quite a while back wasn’t it?

  6. Yeah, about 10 years ago or more…Damn we are 1. OLD and 2. Have known each other for WAY too long!

    But it WAS damned funny at the time!

  7. Yeah, about 10 years ago or more…Damn we are 1. OLD and 2. Have known each other for WAY too long!

    But it WAS damned funny at the time!

  8. Holy Cr@p, has it already been that long…yup, I guess it has. WHOA!

    Whre has the time gone????

  9. Holy Cr@p, has it already been that long…yup, I guess it has. WHOA!

    Whre has the time gone????

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