Darling, Stop With The Noise

See, now this is why I’m against these “interview” things at pageants. Too much potential for shame and embarrassment for the contestant, and there’s the unfortunate side effect of making America look like a bunch of idiots – which we are – but let’s not advertise it any more than we have to.

It also stokes the myth that beauty and brains are zero-sum, but that’s for another program. Can’t we just stop pretending that these aren’t beauty contests? They are, and that’s why we love them.

But anyway, to poor little Miss Teen South Carolina, I say: sweetie – shush – that’s enough. It’s OK. Don’t feel bad! The Making-Out-With-Miss-Teen-North-Carolina segment is next, and I know you’ll do super.