Fifty Ways to Make Your Date or Significant Other Think You Need Hormone Replacement Therapy
7 12 2006I stumbled across this little gem, entitled “Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex” in my wandering on Digg.
Now, I am pretty sure Rod Philips is just a fake guy trying to sell his product, but he clearly put a lot of effort into this, and I’d guess is earnest. Let’s review a couple, shall we?
I think my favorite is mistake number 19, “Entering her without asking her first.” He says, “you don’t always need to ask ‘May I enter you?’ though it can be a romantic and sexy thing to do…”
Pardon me, did I just stumble into a game of Mother May I? Look, dude, if you are so tone-deaf that you feel like you need to, or should, ask a woman if you “may enter,” then you probably deserve an Emmy for getting her undressed in the first place. And yeah, how romantic - “may I enter?” It gives me goose bumps - I can’t think of a hotter thing to say.
Also, number 33, “apologizing for the size of your penis.”
Mmm, yeah, this is a no-no. In fact, if you’ve ever felt the need to do this, may I suggest you just stay home and masturbate? I also want to know where Rod got his information that “98% of women would rather have a sensitive lover than one with a big penis.” Ohhh shit, Rod - you had me confused - I thought you meant apologizing because it was too big!
Sorry, but every single woman with whom I’ve ever discussed the subject agrees that size matters. I think this is like things people say to fat people to make them feel better - you know, like “beauty comes in all shapes and sizes?” Sure it does - it’s just usually thin.
Likewise with the penis-size thing: if I hear a guy saying “it ain’t the size of the waves, it’s the motion of the ocean,” or a girl saying something similar in front of her boyfriend, it’s excruciatingly obvious what’s going on there. Fact: women are not neutral on this issue - they would far rather have a well-endowed lover. Why is it that so often in life, our attempts to be nice are fueled by dishonesty?
Overall, the piece is chock-full of lessons on how to be a more sensitive, gentle, effeminate lover. The whole thing had me wondering if I’d wandered into a Calgon commercial. Sorry, Rod, truth be told: most women like to get the daylights banged out of them. Oh shit, did I say that or did I think that?
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