Comments on: On This Day: Fatherlessness

By: Brother Jason

Brother Jason — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 21:42:30 +0000

5 years and one week since you wrote this, brother. It certainly does not seem like it. I love this post, it’s the best you ever wrote.

Love,
Brother Jason

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 02:11:55 +0000

how did I not know that we lived parallel lives A.C.? Poignant and well written. Congratulations for not only recognizing all of this but sharing it. You are a better, stronger man in spite of it, and because of it. Cheers.

By: Jessiex

Jessiex — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 20:19:55 +0000

Via @technosailor, I found this piece you wrote.Your development and ability to see your path to and through it, and your sharing of it all, are beautiful. Thanks for being willing to bring this public.

By: Jason

Jason — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 19:22:47 +0000

Amen, Brother.

Love,
Your Brother Jason 2008

By: Nagasuri

Nagasuri — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 14:08:19 +0000

I know how you feel. In pain I found strength. He who sired me does not mean he deserves my tears of pain. Instead I proved myself worthy in every sense. It is his loss.

By: candy

candy — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 12:47:14 +0000

I share your feelings as my sister an I have also been abandoned by our dad. He was a good man in some respects, but was never a father! I remember him beating me - punching and kicking me at 15 because I ran away. I remember him beating my mother and sister so many times.

If dad was ever caught out lying for example, he would turn the tables on us and accuse us of ganging up against him. This would end in one of us taking a beating or being alienated.

When my children were born, he made a promise that they would never see what we had seen. Yes, the beatings stopped, but the manipulation continued. He would blame everyone but himself for his failings, usually Mum!

He left our lives repeatedly as we grew up, usually as a result of him beating Mum and her throwing him out or as the result of him taking on another woman.

Mum has moved on and started a new life abroad. Dad however has taken on yet another woman, with three children from her previous marriage and he has completely cut us off. He never calls or texts us and walks past us in the street as if he does not know us. It is highly embarrasing as we live in a small closeknit town.

He walks around without a care in the world while we cry inside. He creates profound lies as reasons for not visiting my home, claiming someone is going to poison him. Despite me telling him that is untrue, he has kept away. Is that normal?

By: Mel

Mel — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 04:39:44 +0000

Anthony — powerful stuff to say the least. Your writing is moving and the story even moreso. Your wit and irreverence are definitely missed in the Cambridge environs.

By: natalie

natalie — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 04:44:56 +0000

Anthony, I must second (and third, and fourth…ad infinitum) the laudatory expressions already put forth. Because I am a fan of learning how my own stories affect people differently based on their past experiences, I offer a brief summary of my own. Not to detract or compare, mind you.

Perhaps it’s the relative (no pun intended) proximity of the holiday, but my own father has been increasingly on my mind. He was extremely emotionally abusive to my family, a man seemingly born without empathy or compassion. Additionally, he knowingly cost our family every ounce of financial security, leaving us homeless when I was a teenager.

I strongly identify with your description of crippling distrust of the mundane, uncertainty and insecurity.

During my college years, I had a slow epiphany pretty much exactly like you described yours. I have been extremely grateful for the many blessings that my upbringing gave me–precisely what you so beautifully described. Put in a rudimentary form, I am who I am because of this, and that can only be a good thing. I agree with you wholeheartedly.

I have not seen my father for three years. In all honesty, I had hoped that our next encounter would include a coffin. Now, though, I am unsure. While able to forgive him, I have never had the desire to inform him of my forgiveness. (Or to have him in my life in any sort of way.) Now, though, I think I want him to know I forgive him.

Your post gives me pause, however. Is expressing forgiveness selfish or selfless? As you so eloquently stated, “what to me has evolved into a psychological ‘friendly ghost’ is his daily demon. It is an inner torment to which I cannot relate.” Wouldn’t being aware of forgiveness potentially intensify any feelings of guilt one might have? Have you had the opportunity to express your own forgiveness? If not, would you take it?

I love this post. You are amazing. And you deserve all the models you can get.

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 16:10:23 +0000

I have put this essay away for my 11 year old son who I hope will read it, take comfort, and use it to release some of the pain of his loss.

- A single mother in Cambridge

By: Laura

Laura — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 16:30:22 +0000

Citrano, you win my heart. Your stories, your wisdom, your forgiving nature and your clarity of mind give me something to aspire to. I would acclaim you for writing a father’s day commentary that is not some insipid cliche, but i would never expect that from you. You are anything but cliche. Thanks for warming my otherwise cynical fathers day.
Love goes out to you from California, hope I see you in Boston,
-L