This morning, in a major harbinger of doom, Deputy Secretary of Defense Gordon England gave a speech with a big ass parrot on his shoulder. I can only assume this is some sort of secret message for any remaining Americans who were unaware that the End Was Nigh.
What is disturbing is not just that he addressed a retirement ceremony proudly displaying a big parrot on his shoulder – nono – what is disturbing is that all he offered in the way of explanation was that he wanted his remarks to be “very personal”, and that’s why he had “Sweetie Pie” on his shoulder. I see.
He made his speech, and there sat Sweetie Pie.
We’re all going to die.